Maui…Where the fairways are alive with the sound of…


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GFG Maui 2012_009


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Groucho Marx!?

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I thought I was playing in the Golf Fore Gals (GFG) 5th Annual Maui Ladies Classic Golf Tournament?  Wahines… have you never heard of…

“Proper” Dress Code?

Well, it seems that clothing contraventions weren’t the only detours from golf’s honored traditions.  The Rule Book conveniently lost a few pages along the way to the marshall’s hands, only to be replaced with new links laws that would make RCGA executives roll over in their bunkers. 

Mulleys were for sale (if you knew where to buy them), foot wedges legal and too many players on the field was par for the course in this Turkeyfest.  

But all those improprieties only lead to one thing…the best FUNdraising Thanksgiving golf tournament I ever played!

It occurred to me, as I was listening to Julie Andrews (AKA Cheryl Smith) share the “rules”

and lead the golfgals in her unconventional (but truly delightful) rendition of My Favorite Things…

…that this annual event on Maui is definitely one of my favorite things.

Here’s how this year’s turkey egg scramble went…

1.      Every team member was numbered 1 through 4.
2.      Each player hit her own ball off the tee.
3.     Things got dicey after the 4’th drive left the tee box when one of the golfgals had to draw a number from an envelope which dictated which ball was “in play”.  All golfers moved to the designated spot and played best ball from there to the hole.
4.      But that’s not all; there were two other tricksters in the envelope…
  •  A “gobbler” who saved our turkey bacon when it allowed us to choose the best of the 4 tee shots
  • A “tart” that hurled a pumpkin pie in our faces, forcing us to play the worst of the tee shots. 

Surely that’s enough shenanigans for one tournament, right?  Nope!!!  Secreted away in the bowels of our golf cart was a pilgrim who could be called upon once per player in the round to foot wedge a ball into a prettier position or throw the sucker as far forward as her pitching arm could toss it.  

Sadly, our Pilgrim’s Progress got progressively worse the more she imbibed the swing oil she discovered in our basket while we were busy making shots NOT “heard around the world”.  She got so tipsy she started transplanting our ball from a tricky lie to an unplayable one. 🙁
But it was a glorious day, made even more entertaining by the wahines who made up my team.
Deadly Desiree holed a ton of clutch putts with her magic wand.  
Short Grass Sandy kept us in the fairway throughout the day with her consistency off the tee (which was a good thing since we seemed to keep drawing her number from the envelope).  
Amazing Andra was our designated driver; can that girl smack em or what!   She can also hang loose “shaka” from her fingertips to her toes!

Meanwhile, I tried to play my part by bribing a PGA Professional to hit my tee shot on a long par 3 to within 10 feet from the pin, which lead to a much-needed birdie.
But the fun didn’t stop there.  The evening was full of great food, great prizes (every single player took home an award), great music by Kaleo, and a great silent auction where I walked home with best trophy of all – a flag from the 2008 Masters (generously contributed by Pat and Paul Betts who owned one of my favorite golf shops on the island – Hawaii Golf and Tennis in Lahaina).

My new priceless treasure is covered with world class signatures including the king himself, Arnold Palmer.

Until next year ladies…Mahalo for making my Maui vacation so special.

And a very special thanks to my golf pal, Diane Fru of Golf Fore Gals,

who works tirelessly every year to make this the tournament the “must play” event on Maui; she also generously donates its proceeds to a very worthy cause – Maui Economic Opportunity Inc.  

Diane runs numerous chapters of her Golf Fore Gals in British Columbia and now has one in Maui, where she organizes lots of fun group outings at courses around the island every month.  

Open to golfers of all skill levels, GFG a terrific way to learn the game, have tons of fun and make new friends.  I highly recommend that you check out their website and sign up for 2013.

Last year Golf Fore Gals stormed The Dunes at Maui Lani to see who could shoot craps on the course, without crapping out.   

This year at Kahili, it was all about Poultry, Pumpkins and Pilgrims.  

Next November 16, 2013 at Wailea Blue, the theme of the noon shotgun event will be Rock ‘n Roll where the GFGs will no doubt be shaking all over (I just hope they don’t trigger an eruption of Haleakala).  I’m already dusting off my blue suede golf shoes for the occasion. 



* Photos generously contributed by Photographer, Robert Smith (

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